It's Been a While...Seriously, since 2010

Well, I decided a four year hiatus from blogging needed to end. Seriously, almost four years! After my sister died, this blog gave me a place to process a lot of the day-to-day things I experienced as I walked through that season. Now, I plan to blog to grow. So...I'm not sure what we'll see appear on these pages in the upcoming months, but I'm looking forward to growing along with whoever wants to read this thing.

It's Good to be Wrong

So I'm going to start by telling on myself. Let me preface by saying, I am not proud of the moments I am about to share with you, nor do I hope to repeat them, but they unlocked a great opportunity with my six-year old that is worth repeating.

Last night when I got home from church I launched into a dissertation about why the clothes my husband picked out for my kids to wear to church were, ummmm, how do I say - less than what I had hoped they would be. Okay, I'm sugarcoating. I thought the clothes he picked out were the most wrong choices he could have possibly made and I communicated that thoroughly in front of my kids. Ugh. I made a mountain out of a molehill and had to apologize to him and my kiddos for the words that came out of my mouth about - of all things - clothes.
The truth is, my kids don't care and Dock only cares because I care. Does anyone else see the problem here? It's me! Ugh, again.

You know that part in the Gospels where Jesus talks about not worrying about what you eat or drink or wear? That truth totally escaped me last night. The truth is, God doesn't particularly care what my kids wear either. And, I can assure you He was less than impressed by how upset I became over such a temporary thing. Still, He loves me - and as I'm about to share - so does my family. Oh sweet grace.

I started by apologizing to my oldest while tucking her in. My confession went simply, "Hey, Mommy should not have spoken unkindly about what Daddy put you in for church. I'm sorry I did that. Will you forgive me?" Ave quickly responded, "Yes" and then I added, "That was kind of a silly thing to get upset about." With more gusto, Avery simply said, "Yea, it really was, Mom." With that kick in the gut silently processed I was so glad that she was honest with me and that she had the chance to watch her mom be completely in the wrong. Yes, you read that right. I'm glad she knows I was wrong. How else could she learn to fail or to ask for forgiveness or know that even when she's wrong that we can still come out okay on the other side of reconciliation?

I'm not glad I got upset about clothing or that I spoke unkindly to Dock in front of my kids, but it ended up being good to be wrong. I still wrestle with failure. I wrestled with it as a child and still as an adult. Some call it perfectionism, I call it "REOO" - ridiculous expectations of oneself". I do not like to fail and can be really devastated when I do. That is a legacy not worth passing onto my kids. I want them to know how to fail and to trust in a God unhindered by failure because ultimately He was victorious through Christ. I want them to learn it before they have to unlearn "REOO" like their mom. So, it was good to be wrong.

But next week, I'm laying out the clothes... ;)

Distracting Distractions

I've learned about myself that I constantly look for distractions from the grief of losing Lauren. Sometimes that means I want to move, so I look for new houses. Sometimes that means I want to shop so I either hit all my favorite websites to browse or hit the mall. Lately, it means I rearrange furniture and swap out home accessories! I'm sitting in my rearranged living room (quite pleased with myself about how it turned out I might add) wondering why I try to be distracted from the hurt. I have a friend who hurt, rather who got hurt, so badly and she determined early on the face the hurt head on. She's a champ - I'm ducked in the corner somewhere. Nice.

As a mom who's home a lot, I have to be wise about where my energy goes. I have a husband who needs me, two girls that need me and friends, job responsibilities, etc. that need me. It's hard to distribute the energy I'm given every day between these legitimate demands on my time and person. When I spend lots of energy distracting myself, I can ultimately get distracted by the distractions and use my energy to fulfill some lesser needs than the truest and most important needs around me.

In the middle of all these needs and my attempt to be distracted from my own hurt, I'm left with one question - does it take more energy to face the pain or to distract myself from it? I think on each day the answer to this question varies. I do know that unresolved conflict, unforgiven hurts, and unaddressed bitterness can suck the life out of a person like a shop vac sucks water out of a wet basement. Distracting myself very well may be an okay defense mechanism that allows me to hurt in spurts and not just all the time, but I am not allowed (in my opinion) to short-change those around me (a.k.a. my family) in an attempt to be distracted from my own hurt.

I read 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 this morning about God's grace being sufficient for our weaknesses and Paul boasting in his so that Christ's power could rest on him. The truth is, I don't want to hurt. I would prefer this whole grief thing just disappear. But that's not reality and turning my back on it will only make it linger longer - and that doesn't sound good either. Not wanting to hurt is evidence of my weakness. Evidence that I would rather avoid the emotional journey than grow through it. Everything in me wants a wand waved and my family's lives restored to the way things were before we lost Lauren. What would we miss? Well, truthfully, a lot of hurt, but more than that, opportunities to know God and to live with His power rested on us. If I really believe that God uses ALL things for our good, than this is one of the things He will use for good. So, next time I reach for the arm of the couch or pick up an ottoman, I'm going to try to ask myself if I should just get on my knees, confess weakness and reach for the arm of God instead.

Anticipating Worship

I experienced the Hillsong Live concert tonight. I use the word experience completely on purpose. That's what the team I'm on at church is called - the Experience Team. It's our role to create experiences for people to encounter Jesus and fuel them to follow Him (hence the name of the other team - the Follow Team). Tonight I got a glimpse of why creating spaces for people to encounter God means so much to furthering the kingdom.
What I am about to write is in no way based on fact, simply my own experience tonight as I worshiped. I had multiple opportunities to experience God as the many different things He embodies. I knew Him as Healer during "Desert Song" and "You Hold Me Now". I knew Him as Almighty God during "Stronger". I knew Him as Hosanna in the Highest during - you guessed it - "Hosanna". I knew Him as brother and friend as I stood next to (besides my family) the dearest people in the world to me. I knew Him as humble and as defender as I listened to the Hillsong pastor describe the woman who poured out her alabaster jar on Jesus. I knew Him as Savior during just about every song, and I felt something. According to my friend, I felt a lot of kick drum - but other than that, I felt something internal.
I remember thinking many years ago - how can people worship while they're jumping up and down, flailing their arms and shouting? Then I pictured a UK basketball game and...oh, did I say that out loud? Anyway, I used to think those actions might not be genuine. Seriously, I thought that! I grew up in a church where we did not even clap - not even when someone finished singing. It's awkward. Trust me, I experienced that, too! I feel certain that the only thing TRULY worth jumping up and down for is a God who loves us like He does and takes us like we are.
I learned tonight, I felt refueled tonight and I felt really, really loved. I felt really loved by God that He would give me the chance to just participate in worship tonight beside friends and even some of the people I lead with. What a privilege! I felt loved that I didn't have to lead and could just drink it all in - with a giant Panera frappuccino sized straw (have you seen those things?!). I felt really loved that I got to welcome people at the door. The whole night turned out differently than I planned from who I sat with to serving as a volunteer, but God's plans are always SO MUCH BETTER.
Afterwards I thought about the reason why tonight was so good. I think the greatness could be attributed to the genuine spirit of the leaders and band. I think it could be attributed to the good songs we sang. Mostly, though, I think it was good because everyone there (or at least 99%) of the people there came READY to worship. To worship was the whole point of the evening and people came anticipating to experience God through worship. To be honest, I think there's only so much we can do as an Experience Team to create spaces and experiences for people to encounter and know Jesus. I think the real work is for those who know Jesus to anticipate that they just might have an experience with Him in worship - that they would anticipate worship.
I think day to day we need to expect to experience Him. He wants to be found and known and heard - not because He is egocentric, but because He's given up everything to come after us and bring us back to Himself. Mostly, though, because He loves us a lot and just wants to be with us.
So maybe this weekend if you come to Southland for the thousandth or the first time you could try to come ready to worship. Anticipating not that by the third song or message you'll experience God, but that from the moment you enter the room you will. God's word says that He inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3 KJV). Whether or not God will show up is not up for debate. He promises He will. So, come ready to experience Him. He'll be there.

Singing in the Car

I pulled up behind a woman on Nicholasville Road the other day and noticed her head bobbing steadily. Then, her shoulders started moving and finally, her hands hit the air. Whatever she had floating on the air waves in her car had really "moved" her! I smiled - big. The first thought through my head was, "You go girl. Get after it! Let your hair down. Sing like nobody's watching..." ok, so maybe I didn't think that long, but I felt all of those things as I watched her... and I smiled. Such a simple thing, but such a sweet moment for me. Her freedom unlocked some joy inside my heart, and I was thankful for her.

Worship is similar. I have found that in leading worship, the more freedom I accept as reality in Christ, the more joy I can help the Spirit unlock in people who are frustrated, disenchanted or downright skeptical about God. Joy is undeniable and cannot be fabricated. Joy is not a smile or a laugh, joy is different. Joy comes from inside - and you just can't force joy to come out of you.

Joy can preach, too. You can have joy even when you're really sad. Joy is not happy. Repeat after me, joy is not happy. Joy is settled, sure, steady, peaceful and strong. Joy is resilient, not fleeting. It's more than a mood, it's a state of being. How else could the Bible say to consider it "pure joy when you face trials of many kinds"? (see James 1:2). James sounds nuts! But, he knows joy is not being thrilled you're facing trial. Joy looks further down the road than the present trial. Joy says, "Somehow, someway, God is going to use this for my good." Joy says, "This is building character into me in a way it could not have been developed otherwise." Joy says, "God's got this and because of that, I'm okay even though I don't feel okay." Joy is awesome, joy is available to you and joy reeks of hope.

The more freedom we experience in Christ, the more joy we have because we stop worrying about the Christians we should be, or shouldn't be and we start simply enjoying God. We start letting the truth about who He is and who He says we are really become the only truth that matters to us. We find that the joy of the Lord really is our strength (see Nehemiah 8:10). Right now, I'm praying that if you feel miserable, you will be reminded of the freedom available to you in Christ. People often think God is a rule maker and the punish-er of rule breakers. What a cheap shot at God to think that! He's a Dad and He's not stupid. He knows we need boundaries and ways to live so that we don't get kicked in the pants by a very real enemy.

Freedom looks WAY different than just doing what you want. Freedom is more like the play place in the center of Fayette mall - gated, padded, and made to be enjoyed. What if that place was full of sharp objects and cut glass? We'd have to restrict our kids way more than by simply putting them within the parameters of that white fencing. We often think the fencing is the trap - that it is what holds us back. Parameters seem like walls in the way of freedom. NOT AT ALL! Parameters give us more freedom than we could imagine and we don't have to worry - we can touch everything without fear of getting hurt. Same thing with God's "rules". Think about premarital sex, for example. If you don't have premarital sex then you don't worry about pregnancy or contracting a disease or making some really hard decisions. People think freedom is doing whatever they want but that kind of freedom leads to the thickest bondage of all - the tangled web of the consequences of sin. We've gotten this backwards for a long time.

So, I've decided to name that woman in front of me singing in her car, Joy, and to name her car "Freedom". I think it suits them both.

Kite Flying

Hello, blogger friends. My name is Amanda Carter. Just thought we ought to reintroduce ourselves. I've been on vacation and school has been out for BOTH of the girls, so time has become a little more scarce while albeit fun these past few weeks.

Ok, I'm done making excuses about why I haven't blogged in so long.

I recently went to the beach. While I could write oodles of blogs about such a wonderful, fun, relaxing, perfect...I digress...place, there was one "moment" on the beach that made a lasting impact on me. I flew a kite. Well, technically my Dad got it in the air, but I held the string for a long time! I think it had been well over 15 years - maybe 20 - since I had flown a kite. Granted, kite flying does not produce thrills of excitement or riveting entertainment, but kites do seem to intrigue people. Every beach walker that passed spent an incredible amount of time looking up at the kite swaying and gently diving in the wind. I stood there thinking, "What's the big deal? Haven't you seen a kite before?" Then I realized, probably, like me, it had been a long time. We're so techy these days and techy living has created a culture of "down lookers". We look down at computer screens and phones and watches and floors (because eye contact is WAY too much interpersonal interaction).

That day on the beach, lots of "down lookers" became "up lookers". Watch out, I just pulled my soap box out! I want to propose that we've lost something - taken steps back as human beings with the invention of techy toys even though we claim these inventions as "progress".

Here's what I think we've lost. When my grandparents got together with other couples they played cards and board games or worked puzzles. Now often when we gather with other couples we play Wii and maybe an occassional board game, but it's often fast paced and full of timers. I'm speaking to myself when I say that we've lost appreciation for slower relationship and entertainment. Families no longer gather around radios to all listen to the same show or talk over a card game. Truthfully, we often end up in separate rooms being individually entertained with TV or texting or video games. Why don't people read aloud to each other anymore? Why do people feel so efficient and yet so stinkin' lonely? I offer that it's because despite the efficiency, they somehow still have no time for real relationship.

I'm not suggesting we all give up technology. I need to confess that I'm getting an iPhone this week for the first time so I may be plunging even deeper into this techy trap! I'm also blogging right now. The reality of blogging is that I am crafting a conversation with you through my keyboard and on my own. What I'm offering is that we remember to do the slower things like read aloud to each other, really talk to each other face to face not just through tweets and status updates. The fact that we call social interaction "tweeting" just sounds ridiculous if you think about it long enough and "status updates" sound like official press releases of our lives. There's a lack of warmth and home and dare I say...genuine relationship.

As I flew that kite I felt so relaxed (the waves crashing beside me helped a good bit!). As I watched other people stop and stare at the kite, I marveled at how such a simple thing could hold the attention of so many for as long as it did. In a world of "down lookers" what if we were like the kite swaying and diving in the wind - the Holy Spirit kind of wind? What if our mere existence made people look up and enjoy and marvel at what God can do with a normal, simple person? Lots of questions today.

What did you expect? I had a LOT of free time to think on the beach...stay tuned.

Every Day Birthday

Today is my birthday. I'm 31. I am no longer 30, I am now IN my thirties. Yes, it's different. Still laughing at me? Well, okay, but I'm just saying - I'm in my thirties. I am now fully separated from my twenties. I've decided that I am not going to hide my age - ever. I always laugh when people who look 45 say they're 29 (psst...nobody believes you anyway - just fess up!). So, you heard it here...I just committed to always saying my age - yikes!
Birthdays are so interesting and everyone celebrates them differently. Some people are HUGE birthday people. These types create birthday weeks, or if permitted, birthday months! They adore the celebration of them - and who could blame them? Since I've been awake today anytime I would think, "I would really like to...", my next thought would be, "Hey! It's my birthday! I might actually get to do what I want today - sweet!" Isn't that funny? Just because I was born on this day, thirty-one years ago (see, I said it again - so far so good), I think maybe I can get my way all day. Hilarious! I have two small children...quit dreamin'!
What if we celebrated each other every day? I mean, truly, I'm glad my friends and family were born every day and not just on their birthdays. What if each day we served each other like many of us get served on our birthday? I bet I'll hear at least a few times today, "It's your birthday, it's up to you." So what if each day I said to Dock, "It's your day" everyday? Think about it. If his attitude was "It's your day" to me and mine "It's your day" to him. Nobody would lose.
I really think this is why Jesus encourages us so often in Scripture to "consider others better than yourself" (Philippians 3). Then, the passage describes Jesus' attitude by saying that even though He was in "very nature" God, He did not "consider equality with God something to be grasped." In a nutshell, Jesus could have pulled a whole bunch more favors and "I'm better than you" cards - and been accurate in doing so, yet, He humbled Himself - "made Himself nothing." This is the attitude of Christ - others before ourselves - others better than ourselves. I think we most often grasp this when we celebrate birthdays. So what if we gave each other an "every day birthday". I'm talking about a "you before me" day - every day. Sounds REALLY hard. It also sounds REALLY Jesus.
I'm going to try to do this today. I'm not guaranteeing I'll do it perfectly, but I'm going to pray that the Spirit will enable me to give others around me an "every day birthday" today. Want to join me? Come on - it's my party, I can ask if I want to!

Heat Wave

Is it me, or is it hot outside? Not that I'm complaining. If it's going to be summer, it might as well be hot, I'm just not used to all this hydrating, slip n' sliding, plant watering, and sweating. I think it's funny how we have to wind down to settle into winter and wind up to get into the swing of summer. Our energy levels seem to follow the changing seasons.
I loved summer as a child. The pool, the popsicles, the family visits - so many things to just ENJOY. This is Avery's first summer home after being an "all day" school girl this past year. We'll see how it's going to go, but I have a feeling that if I get a nickel for every time I hear, "I want somebody to play with", I will be rich by mid-August!
We're moving ahead into the second and last week of the "Boomerang" series at Southland and it's about walking with the wise in order to be wise. Who do you plan to "play with" during your summer down time? How have you chosen to invest in making connections with people who can speak wisdom into your life that you cannot gain on your own? Maybe as things heat up and potentially slow down you could start taking inventory of who is in your life and whether or not you have some wisdom pouring into you from those relationships. I really believe God desires us to have and value wisdom and so if you find you are lacking these relationships, I bet if you ask for one, God will provide it at just the right time.
Sound like an optimist? Well, I am. Glass half full type of gal sitting here. For the life of me, the whole glass half empty thing just makes me not want a drink at all so I go with the half full. God wants what's best for you. So much of His wisdom is available to you ALL the time - The Bible. Maybe your poolside reading could include just reading portions or books of the Old Testament like novels. Trust me, plenty of the books in there read like one.
For many of you, summer looks much the same as the rest of the year. Work in the week, rest (or attempts at rest) on the weekends. No worries. Most of us are there. I hope that as it's lighter later in the day you have more outside time than you ever dreamed and I hope that you find or utilize wise people to walk with you. Happy Summer!

Panting Like a Dog on a Louisiana Sidewalk

I am busy this week. REALLY busy. All the things going on are good and not even particularly stressful things, just a whole heap of things. I feel "winded" internally. Almost like my internal tongue is hanging out and I need a good glass of water and a fan, or like I need somewhere to just sit down, settle down and get up refreshed.

We're headed into a series at Southland called "Boomerang". It's going to be a lot of fun and talk about some practical yet impactful stuff. The first week is about getting refreshed from refreshing others. Isn't God good? He lets us benefit when we benefit others. Doing good feels good. Doing good also helps us get over ourselves and stop thinking about our concerns, our fears, our "stuff" and just do something that matters for someone else.

So while I'm panting like a dog on a Louisiana sidewalk internally this week, I'm thankful. A lot of what's making me "winded" involves doing things for my family (like going on a field trip tomorrow - eek!) and encouraging people. I know two things: I will sleep well this week (because I'll be exhausted), and I will have done some eternally important things - not because I'm so great, but because God gives me the option to do things for Him, to follow Him, obey Him, and in all of it to know Him and His love for me more. Good grief He's a good God!

Who needs a glass of cold water from you this week - or a breath of fresh air given to them by your service or your encouragement? There's probably at least one small thing (and those are usually the biggest things!) you can do for someone else this week.

For those of us who are married, maybe it's doing something for your spouse you used to do when you first dated like flipping up his windshield wipers. Yeah, that's right. Nothing flirts like raised windshield wipers! Some of you know this and you are laughing right now...I hope. Otherwise, the weirdo I am has just been publicly confirmed! In all seriousness, what little thing could you bring back this week from early in your relationship? Or, if you're not up for that, what could you start to pray for your spouse this week?

What if our lives were like lemonade stands giving refreshment on a hot day - except that instead of receiving money for the lemonade, we received refreshment ourselves? Somehow, some way - like someone brings you a blizzard. Yes, I'm talking about blizzards again. (Random info: Dock's birthday is this week so he got the buy one get one free birthday blizzard coupon. All his text said today was, "I got the buy, one get one free blizzard coupon. You in?) Uh, yeah. Butterfinger here I come!

So back to the upcoming series at Southland; it's going to be great. Get a head start and be thinking about what you could do to refresh others even before you hear the sermon...embrace your inner over-achiever and go for it! The revolving door of refreshment is just waiting for you to walk in. Pet the dog on your way out.

Just Between "You" and "Me"

I had a brief experience with Mattie this afternoon that made me think. I have not been feeling myself for the past few weeks. Just not "me" and this annoys me greatly. When I am not "me" I feel like the universe of our home is altered. Dock gets weirded out because I'm quiet (yes, that's more the exception than the rule) and my kids (who don't miss a beat) notice too and somehow react by becoming more clingy. And then it becomes the chicken or the egg debate as to who's fault it is we're all a little off balance!

So today I woke Mattie up from her nap to go get Avery from school. Mattie was VERY sleepy and as I carried her to the car she wrapped two soft little arms tight around my neck and buried her head into my shoulder. That was the most comforting moment of my day. And, in that moment I felt the most "me" I've felt in a while. I am a mommy. I like who I am as a mommy and it felt good to remember a piece of my normal "me-ness".

By now, you know I love a good application so here goes: Where can you find a piece of "you-ness" today? Maybe this is a season you wish you could bury yourself in a hole and only come out when it's done. Maybe this is an awesome season, but you're busy and all of who you are is tied up in all you do. Maybe you have no idea what I'm saying and that's ok - you probably are not alone.

That moment of feeling like myself reminded me that grieving will pass. One day it will not hurt to remember Lauren like it does now. One day saying her name will not bring tears to my eyes, and the biggest "one day" of them all...One day I'm going to see her again. The truth is, in light of setting my mind on things above (like I've been learning lately - see Col. 3:1-2) I'm really not myself anyway. Scripture says when we see Him [God] we will be like Him for we will see Him as He truly is. None of us in Christ are our true selves yet. That's to come.

If you do not believe in Jesus, trust me, I understand wondering about the reality of heaven and even at times, wondering if the whole story of the cross and the resurrection could really be true. I understand, but boy do I believe. Each time I have asked God to show me that He's real - He has been faithful, and He will be faithful to you in the best way for you, too. If you do not believe in Jesus I want to tell you something that I could not stop saying in the days after Lauren suddenly passed away: "You have to know Jesus. You just have to" - because when life gets really hard and there's stuff that happens you can't explain - all the roads you take to find the "meaning" of it or to find out who you are will just lead to nowhere and nothing. They really will, and I'd stake my life on it.

I hope you find a moment in your day to feel very "you" and that you like who you are - because God loves you for you. He staked His life on it.

Crash Test Dummy

Random question: What would the life of a crash test dummy look like? I mean, would the nobility of keeping mankind safe outweigh the impending doom every time someone straps you into a moving object and directs you towards a brick wall?

Can you imagine what the union would look like for crash test dummies? The contract would negotiate only so many crashes per month, complete rebuilding coverage with low co-pay, and so many days on the warehouse shelf (a.k.a. vacation days).

Yes, I know I already admitted this was random. There is a connection, though.....wait for it, wait for it... OK, here goes. Are we not all a bit like crash test dummies sometimes? Sometimes we keep getting in the same sin pattern that just directs us flying towards a "brick" wall of destruction. And we keep getting in and getting in and crashing and getting in and crashing - you get the picture.

I'm willing to bet that all of us have thought, "I'll never overcome that struggle. I've had it as long as I can remember." That's a lie. The enemy likes it when you think like a crash test dummy and not a real, live child of the Most High God.

So what "sin" vehicle do you keep getting into that always drives you towards impending doom and disappointment and downright frustration with walking with God? And why do you keep getting in when you know what's going to happen?

Well, quite frankly, it seems easier. When sin entered the world, we became crash test dummies in our flesh, so, we often default to thinking like them. We even blame the moving vehicle (the sin) for being too present or we blame the "higher ups" who keep running us into those walls. We forget that in Christ - we are not crash test dummies, we are legitimate beings, living beings not destined for death but for life. We know how to use the brake pedal AND we know how to not get in the moving vehicle in the first place. We really do.

I need this reminder as much as any of us. Sin is not more powerful than us. The more we practice it, the harder it is to overcome, but it is still not more powerful than us. In John 16:33 Jesus says after describing his coming death, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 1 Corintians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." You are not tempted beyond what you can bear - any other thought is a lie meant to make you feel as though it's too hard for you.

I had a conversation with a teammate this weekend about that thought. She was talking with someone who mentioned that standing up for God was "hard." She reacted in her spirit with such a sadness and passion and explained later to her family that after Jesus "stood up" on the cross for all of them, it should never be "too hard" to stand up for Him against sin or the patterns of the world. I'd never thought about it like that.

So, fellow dummies (don't be offended, just saying that to make a point!), what are we going to do about this? Let's rally the union and say that we've had enough. We are NOT GETTING BACK IN THAT CAR! No more walls for us. In Christ, there's a better way, a way out and a richer life ahead. Better start polishing our resumes. We're going to need a new line of work.

Thunderstorms

As a child, thunderstorms sent a rush of panic into me. Growing up in muggy Louisiana, thunderstorms are basically a post 3pm, daily event in the warmest months. Needless to say, mucho thunderstorms led to mucho panic. The threat of tornados served as the root of my fear. All those emergency drills at school really got to me I guess!

How ironic that now I LOVE thunderstorms. I find them mysterious, a bit romantic, and most of all spiritual. Thunder is so cool. Lightening so intense. Rain so powerful, yet soothing all at once. They just downright fascinate me. I remember learning in elementary school that thunder occurs when two clouds bump into each other. I smile even now at the description because I use it with my own kids!

For the past 10 years or so, when a thunderstorm begins, if I'm around a Bible I read Job 36:26-33, Job 37 and 38. Here's a teaser for you (because yes, you are going to have to look these passages up): From Job 36

26 How great is God—beyond our understanding!
The number of his years is past finding out.

29 Who can understand how he spreads out the clouds,
how he thunders from his pavilion?

30 See how he scatters his lightning about him,
bathing the depths of the sea.

From Job 37:
1 "At this my heart pounds
and leaps from its place.

2 Listen! Listen to the roar of his voice,
to the rumbling that comes from his mouth.

3 He unleashes his lightning beneath the whole heaven
and sends it to the ends of the earth.

And from Job 38:
1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm.

Did you just get chills? God's word provides the most riveting reading experience you can have. Truly. These passages give such great descriptions of God's power and such beautiful explanations of a storm.

Thunderstorms remind me that God has a voice not only inside of us - but rumbling throughout all of creation. This is no wimpy God we serve - but a larger than ALL life God who could remove our breath with a thought if He wanted to, yet, I repeat YET, He gave His only Son to draw us back to Himself. He wants to know us personally. Sometimes we forget the true awesomeness of our God. Thunderstorms today may be a good reminder.

And just for fun - here's another verse teaser from Nahum 1:
3 The LORD is slow to anger and great in power;
the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished.
His way is in the whirlwind and the storm,
and clouds are the dust of his feet.

God is so much "badder" than Jack Bauer (there's a nod for all you "24" fans!)

Too much and Too Little

I'm on a rampage. No, you should not hide your young children in your home, but if you have a messy closet, you may want to postpone that dinner invitation you've been waiting to give me!
I'm on a mission to simplify my life and the life of my family by cleaning out any unused items in my house. When I say unused, I mean even the perfectly good stuff that we just do not touch on a regular basis. I do not have the drive nor the patience to have a yard sale (WAY too many little tags for me), so I'm giving it all away. And boy, is it freeing! I literally feel lighter when I pass this stuff on to someone else who can give it new purpose.
Recently I passed a few vehicles on roads in Lexington just driving along, but packed down with stuff. The entire back seats of these cars were crammed with stuff. I suddenly felt nauseous. We have too much stuff! I think I should repeat myself. We have too much stuff! We just keep shopping and piling and forget to replace what needs to be replaced rather than adding stuff.

Simplifying does not necessarily mean spending less money. My husband was fascinated by this reasoning as I explained that simplifying may initially cost us more money. He already tells me that even when I buy something on sale I have not saved any money. This is what he says, "Did money leave our checking account?" "Yes" I answer. "Then we did not save a dime", he says. Cracks me up every time! Let me explain why simplifying doesn't necessarily mean spending less money. Part of simplifying for me is making the things we do use more accessible for day-to-day living. That may mean we have to purchase some organizers or cubbies or hooks, etc. Money will go out so that simplicity can come in. But junk has to go out, too. All the extra stuff.

The back end of my van is filled with items we did not use that were sitting in two of our closets. I kept getting so disheartened as the items just stacked and stacked. Too much stuff.

There are too many with too little for me to hold on to too much.

Lately, God has been speaking simplicity into my spiritual walk by reminding me that I am to "set [my] heart on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set [my] mind on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:1-2). The phrases "set your heart" or "set your mind" keep coming up. Usually, that means God wants me to study them and think through them. He's wanting to teach me something.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19-20). There is this whole other place that we as believers reference regularly, but often do not live like we believe it exists. How much would it change things to really focus on the eternal rather than the temporary? How much more does setting our hearts and minds on things above change what we value and spend time on here - in this life? The answer, and it's not easy for me to process either, challenges most of the ways I approach life. The answer is that a mind and heart set on heaven and the eternal should change almost everything about my earthly temporary existence. Too much focus on me or my family. Too much focus on how others perceive me or my home or my outward appearance.

Too much temporary, too little eternal.

The junk of the temporary has to go out so that the eternal can infiltrate my life in a way the changes how I live and love. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God has "set eternity in the hearts of men." So God has SET eternity in my heart and I am to SET my heart on things above. Isn't He smart? God has asked me to set my heart on something He created space in my heart to hold. What a great God we have! Always equipping us for what He's asking us to do.

So, I'm simplifying. I'm moving things out so that what really matters can come in and stay for a long while - in my home and my heart.

There's too little time in this life for too much stuff to take up too much room in our hearts.

Parallel Pain

My mom and I were sitting in the car today while riding around town. I got to drive my Dad's SUV, which always makes me happy, and my mom sat shotgun. I've been amazed through grieving my sister how often we sit and hurt together. Today we spoke few words and shared moments of tears and just silent hurt. What else is there to say? While we individually have our own unique losses and hurts to grieve, we are both hurting and grieving the same person. We have parallel pain.

Church services are filled with people experiencing parallel pain. People walking through divorce, financial pressure, addictions, wounds from others, and just plain hard knocks all sit by each other every week in church services. While their circumstances, addictions and hurts are not all the same, many of them are walking through the same experience.

Each week when I look out at each group of people in the service(s) I'm serving in, I pray in my heart for those hurting to feel loved and for those floundering around in their faith or in accepting God's gift of eternal life to be compelled to surrender completely to Him. I sometimes also pray for the people in the room to know each other. For someone hurting to meet someone hurting. For someone grieving to meet someone grieving. For someone alone to meet someone else who feels alone...on and on I could go. That's why I stare out at the crowd sometimes! Open-eye prayer. Yeah, it's legal.

There is a major shift in our world when someone understands us or a unique circumstance. Suddenly, we're not alone and someone "gets" what we're feeling or have felt. Parallel pain sometimes results in parallel healing. While we all heal at our own pace and in our own way, for those of us in Christ, we're healing. Every day closer to eternity is an opportunity to experience more healing than the day before because of the promise of eternity!

I hope you have someone to "parallel" you in your hurts and your healing. If you don't, I'm praying right now you meet him/her/them very soon. In the meantime, if and when you sit in a church service (and based on sheer attendance, your odds are even better at Southland) remember that someone in that room most likely has walked through or is walking through an experience not too different from yours. I'm hoping roads in the room cross long enough at just the right intersections for people to notice the others on roads going the same direction in hurting or in healing. Chances are good, you're not alone.

Healing Is In Your Hands

The title of this blog is the title of my current favorite worship song. Of course, Christy Nockels is singing vocals. I mean, besides Brooke Fraser, should any other female really sing great worship songs? I'm half kidding.

The words are so powerful. "No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know - could keep us from Your love." The song resonates with me on this "understanding God's love" journey I'm currently walking through. Singing truth, particularly truth directly from Scripture, combined with a powerful melody makes for the perfect worship tune in my opinion. What else is there to say or declare except the truth of God's Word. No other words have the power to slice us the way Scripture does. Hebrews 4:12 says, "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." We could just stop there and let that one soak like laundry in Borax, but dramatic pauses don't work well in blogs, so we'll keep going.

The bridge of the song mentioned above says, "In all things, we know that, we are more than conquerors, you keep us by your love, you keep us by your love!" Over and over in this song it's one scripture after another. Please, please, please, download this song!

Mattie sings this song at the top of her lungs while riding in the van (a little under pitch, but when you're two, nobody cares). The sound of her holding out the long notes on the chorus saying, "How high.....How wide......No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands....How deep....How strong...Now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands" does something inside of me. She is unaware of what she's singing, but I'm praying the truth of God's love becomes part of our non-negotiable reality for the rest of our lives. Sing on, Mattie! Declare that truth over us!

Healing is in the wounds of His hands. This is not a "feel good" love we're talking about. This is the real deal - sacrificial, self-forgetting love. The kind God offers and that we should offer each other. Living out the love of God is by no means easy but it's the most fulfilling for both the extender and the receiver.

Once you've downloaded this song (yes, I'm pressuring you) - I hope you just drip with gratitude at the measure of love extended to each of us. And I hope that you are able to offer a cup of cold water you filled with the overflow of thankfulness to someone who needs refreshing in a "dry and weary land where there is no water" (Psalm 63:1).

Because healing through God's love is in His hands, if you follow Him - it's in yours, too.

Pinky Swear

Remember when becoming friends involved either playing together at recess or riding bikes in your neighborhood? Remember the whole friendship bracelet craze? I even shared a locket with one of my friends (awkward that I cannot remember her name) where she had half the heart with the word "best" on it and I had the other half with "friends". Isn't that cute? Conflict at this stage involved pushing, shoving, not taking turns, or quite honestly, just finding a better playmate. What about the pinky swear? Nothing said commitment like a good tug on some interlocked little fingers!

Friendship evolved into finding people who most resembled us as we bounced around between identities as an adolescent. Peer influence took precedence over all other voices and that's why choices in friends at this age determines the path and choices of many people in this age group. Conflict in this stage involved boyfriends and girlfriends swapping boyfriends and girlfriends, comparing abilities in the classroom, on the field, or in appearance. The message about looking out for number one and being the best overturned the "take turns", now "share" talk from grade school.

Then, we mature into adults (I'm being slightly sarcastic). Friends often become co-workers or become other couples for couples and other singles for singles. We often think we have outgrown the selfishness, the pettiness, and the comparing - we also think we know how to navigate finding a better playmate. In all honesty, though, do we really get better at this? And what determines our ability or inability to be a good friend? I have no incredible insight into this except to say - I think the kind of friend you are determines the kind of friendships you experience. There's a saying, "To have good friends, you have to be a good friend." I have no clue who coined that phrase, but there's really a lot of wisdom in it. I quoted this to a friend the other day who told me I was being a good friend. I responded that I was a "product of her investment".

I found a website with a list describing characteristics of good friends. The site lists it for grades K-5, but I found it relevant no matter what the age. One of my favorites was that "good friends give each other room to change." That's so great. The phrase reeks of grace. If you're married, that's a keeper, too.

I've been thinking about friendships a lot lately. Mainly, I've been so grateful for mine. If I could lock them up and keep them forever I would (it sounds a little twisted, but I mean it in the most endearing way!). They love me and boy are they different from me. That's my favorite part. When we all sit around and talk I feel like I get the most complete picture of the image of God I ever see.

Who are your friends? Do you let people know you once you've established trust? What kinds of friends do you have? Maybe more importantly, what kind of friend are you?
Exodus 33:11 says that "The LORD would speak with Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend." Oh to be Moses! James 2:23 says, "And the scripture was fulfilled that says, 'Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,' and he was called God's friend." Oh to be Abraham! Our God is most certainly your friend. He exceeds the list I mentioned earlier. He offers more than anyone. He lets his yes be yes and his no be no. He doesn't need the pinky swear!
Like anything else in following Jesus, He doesn't expect us to do or be anything He has not already done or been for us. He has been a good friend, so if we've experienced that, we should be a good friend to Him. What does that look like for you?
For me it looks like listening better to Him, asking Him what He thinks more often, and talking to Him first when things in life go haywire or just frustrate the dickens out of me!
Try friendship with God if you do not already know it, or if you do, try being a better friend to God - today! Experiencing the friendship of God changes everything - pinky swear.

Gymnastics and a Two Year Old

Whoa, buddy! Did I see some moving tonight! Mattie (my two, almost three year old) previewed a class at The Little Gym. It was called SuperBeasts and I don't think they named it that by accident. Man oh man. She was all over that joint! I could hardly keep up. My oldest daughter Avery and Dock watched through the glass. Mattie usually has to watch Avery do everything so this role reversal was nothing short of THRILLING for Mattie and an adjustment for Avery. My husband got a good laugh at me jumping side to side and even pulling out a donkey kick. Make no mistake, I broke some new ground in the world of donkey kicks. Wish I had a picture, but you're just going to have to believe me.

The best thing about tonight was a moment after Mattie did this pull-over thing, assisted, on the bar and held herself up there, unassisted, for a while. She was so proud. You see, Avery can do pull overs and Mattie has watched her do them repeatedly. After successfully doing her "own", Mattie felt like the biggest thing ever. Even her teacher noticed how proud of herself she was and said, "Has everybody seen Mattie?" joking with her.

Not long after that Mattie ran out of the glass door to the lobby. This was one of many "escape" attempts. Anyway, Mattie ran to Avery and when she got near, Avery threw open her arms and said, "Mattie, I love you! You did a good job, sissy!" Well, if Mattie wasn't already full of herself after her little pull-over, that nod from her big sister sealed the deal.

Encouragement sounded so sweet coming out of my six year old's mouth. The words sounded even more sweet to me because no one told her to say them - she was literally expressing encouragement to her sister from her heart. (Tear). Words are so powerful. They literally do have the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21). Life and death! That's no insignificant thing. That's REALLY important stuff we're talking about. I have always been good with my words. I do not have trouble expressing myself or putting words to my feelings, but with this comes a downside. I'm also capable of using just the right words to say things that are hurtful and not beneficial. God has worked wonders in my life with my words and I have experienced so much freedom, ironically, by having a tongue submitted to my Lord - my Master, Jesus.

I now ask myself this question before I open my mouth, "Is what I'm about to say beneficial?" Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (NIV). Did you notice the phrase "according to their needs". Ouch. So often we, especially in this culture, feel we have the right to just express ourselves. The phrase "It's a free country" hasn't done us any favors. This verse is very clear that we should speak words that are helpful according to the listener's needs, not our own need to be heard.

I saw what words of life can do tonight at gymnastics. I watched Avery literally speak "life" into Mattie. Mattie was benefited by Avery's encouragement, and even better than that, one of the people working there heard Avery and was benefited by her gesture, too.

I'm talking to myself more than anyone when I say maybe we should all just take a deep breath and ask ourselves, "What are my hearer's needs?" I'm just sayin'.

Grumpy Bear

Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's sleep deprivation from staying up too late last night. Maybe it's another movement in this process called grief I'm walking through. Whatever it is...grumpy bear was in the house today. More particularly, in my house walking around in my body!
I must admit, the cuddly bear image hardly fit today. I've tried to review the day and I don't think I spoke too harshly to anyone although I was shorter than usual with my children, but I managed to hold it together.

I think I just identified the problem. I tried to hold it together today. I totally know better. How quickly I forget that my confession of weakness immediately sets God's power in motion. Wish I had remembered that 13 hours ago!

So here's the thing. We all get grumpy. We all get needy. We all get irritated. I wonder what Jesus did when he felt grumpy, needy and irritated? In my opinion these feelings are not in and of themselves sin. I think they just make us more likely to sin! I wonder what Jesus did because if he really was human and was really tempted in every way like us (Hebrews 2:18; Hebrews 4:15 - look them up), then he also did something about it in order to not sin. That answer is not directly in front of us in Scripture like, "Jesus got grumpy so he went and..." It's just not in there. But, in the words of a wise friend, "What do we know to be true?" We know Jesus did not sin. We know He understands every aspect of being human. Even as I type that I marvel that a holy, magnificent, all-knowing, creating God would send a part of Himself to take a 33 year vacation from heaven in a human body. What I know to be true is that He is the source of everything I need. He has made available to me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). He is able, I am not. Jesus knew the "able-ness" of God better than anyone and retreated often to spend time with the most renewable resource of all time.

So, where does this leave me tonight? Well, honestly, Dock's going to get me a Butterfinger blizzard. Not the small - the medium. That ought to take some of the edge off!

In all seriousness, it leaves me here: I need to remember to need God. That need should send me running (or sulking/fuming) straight into His presence to say - "I don't have what it takes to do today, so will you help me?" There is a forever yes at the end of that last question offered by a God who gets us. I must literally cling to the truth that His grace is sufficient and that its sufficiency is manifested in the power He supplies when we don't have what it takes. It's grace, people, the sufficiency of grace. So rather than beat myself up for what a bear I've been internally (and on one or two occasions externally) today, I'm going to say now, "I need you God. I need the sufficiency of your grace to give me the power I can only have through you to compensate for my glaring weaknesses!"

Probably ought to let grumpy bear know he's been overruled. I'll tell him between bites of blizzard.

Lighten Up, Francis

"Lighten up, Francis." My youth minister used this phrase my entire adolescence. I think it's from a movie. "Monty Python", maybe? Maybe "Airplane". Not sure. Anyway, I digress...
I need this phrase quite often in my life. Here's what a jaunt through my thought life on any given day might read like:

Thought One: "Oh no, the girls are going to mess up those new tennis shoes in the dirt!"
Thought Two: "Seriously? Lighten up, Francis! Why did you buy those in the first place?"

Thought One: "If I don't get this laundry done, I have failed for the day."
Thought Two: "Is anyone walking around your house naked? Lighten up, Francis!"

Thought One: "I ate WAY too much of that cake. Now I'm going to look like the broad side of a barn."
Thought Two: "Someone should smack you right now. One episode of excessive cake eating doesn't determine your weight. Good grief! Lighten up, Francis!"

On and on I could go. We all do this, right? (Please say "yes" or else I might really have a crisis!) We wrestle with our thoughts. Even more than that, in general, don't we take life WAY too seriously? I know that I could benefit from asking myself the question, "How much does this matter in the grand scheme of things?"

For a few years, now, I've added the phrase "kingdom perspective" to my rhetoric. My basic personality focuses on the long term. Since I was a teenager, I've made decisions by thinking about what I would think about the decision ten years down the road. As I've matured in the faith, decisions have become less and less about my future and more based on making choices that reflect the future I've been guaranteed in Christ. I call this having a kingdom perspective. It's not original, but it reminds me all the time that there's a kingdom - it is God's, not mine - and ultimately, that kingdom is what really matters.

When I'm raising my children, for example, I desire to raise them with a kingdom perspective. I see who they are as part of who God made them to be so that they can do whatever God made them to contribute to the kingdom. It's not mine to determine who they are or what they do. It's mine to put up guardrails of truth (based on Scripture) so that they can choose the path God ordained before one of their days came to be (see Psalm 139) and still have the protection of right and wrong, character, and my love to keep them on their path. The kingdom perspective helps me to lighten up and let them be who God made them to be rather than trying to make them who I want them to be.

My sister was always WAY more laid back than my mother and I. Ironically, we always joked that she would out live us because she had such low stress levels. She did not take anything too seriously. My mom and I decided in the days after her death that we were going to have to lighten up. For that reason, my mom didn't make her bed the day of Lauren's funeral. Lauren never made her bed. So, guess what? Sometimes, I don't make my bed (gasp!). And you know what? It's freeing for an uptight person like me to not get all beside myself about whether or not my bed is made.

Kingdom perspective doesn't ask questions about what my house looks like, or what my kids act like. Kingdom perspective produces questions like, "Who have I served today?" "How have I served my kids today?" "Does this affect my kids' character or do I just want them to do something my way?" "How much of Jesus was evident in me today?" Notice that kingdom perspective, in my opinion, focuses on TODAY. Not yesterday and not tomorrow. Today.

Maybe you don't take things too seriously. If that's you, good for you. I'm trying to learn from people like you. Still, I think we could all use the reminder from time to time to lighten up. So in the words of my youth minister (even if it was said WAY too often), "Lighten up, Francis!"

What's for Dinner?

I really like to eat. Food makes me happy. I like the smells, the combinations of flavors, the chemistry, and the presentation of food. Cooking is one of the best things for my psyche. I made Paula Deen's "Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding" yesterday and not only did eating it make me happy, but making it for my family made me even more happy. I have a husband with a sweet tooth so it's love in a bowl for him!
Eating out is also a great experience. Lately, we've eaten out more as a family than usual. We are, for the most part, at home eaters. I like to cook - so I cook. With the kitchen painting (which is now complete - hallelujah - see "Painting and Pouting" blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about) and some other spring time spruce ups around my house, cooking has been the thing to go.

My mom and I had a conversation yesterday about heaven and food. She is reading a book by Randy Alcorn called 50 Days of Heaven. In it he talks about food in heaven based on references to feasts in the Bible. Having not read the book myself, I am by no means weighing in on whether or not I agree with Mr. Alcorn, but I am fascinated by the thought and plan to study it more for myself. He says, "Words for eating, meals, and food appear more than one thousand times in Scripture, and the word translated 'feast' occurs another 187 times. Feasting involves celebration and fun. Great conversations, storytelling, relationship building, and laughter all happen around the table" (pg. 177). The main thought is this: Jesus ate in a resurrected body (see John 21:4-14). Therefore, Alcorn says we will eat in our resurrected bodies once either Jesus returns, or we close our eyes here and open them in heaven. As a food lover, this more than thrills me. Food and tables and all the relationship it represents are one of the highlights of being with people for me. Doing this for eternity - bliss!

So I'm just wondering, "What's for dinner?" and more importantly, "Who are you inviting?" In Luke 14:12-14 Jesus says, "When you give a luncheon or dinner...invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous." Please believe me, this is as challenging to me to read as I'm sure it is for you. I'm honestly not even sure how to do this. I do, however, know some people who just need company during meals. I have friends who I need to catch up with and we're all most likely going to eat dinner - so why not together? I heard a guy talking about community building at his church and he said that their mantra was, "Do it together sometimes." The meaning is this: We all go to the grocery, we all eat at some point in the day, we all mow our yards, clean our homes, etc. We're all doing these things individually, so their church simply encourages folks to do it together...sometimes.

Whether here or in heaven...let eating be more than routine. Let it be a reminder of the wedding supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:9) and of the opportunity to be Jesus to the hurting and forgotten as well as an opportunity to connect with friends. Bon Appetit!